this aches. was it real? my mind replays the scene. that sound over again and that scream for 911. it replays and my heart beats out of my chest again. I see the compressions in my mind and his body jolt from the shock. I see people running and sirens and first responders rushing in.
I step back again so I’m not in the way. and then the twenty minutes of compressions. the stretcher and his body covered with tubes and masks. then 30 minutes of try-to-collect-yourself moments before the hospital pronounces him and you break down. it’s not like anything else-being that close to death, and physically only a few feet away. you just clock out and go home because you’re seventeen and what do you know about handing this kind of stuff?
you go home and cry because there is a time to mourn and this is one.
it doesn’t seem right. he was too young. it was too fast. life is too fragile. but that’s just it: life is fragile. and we think we’re invincible and we try to always be right and always have a cure but it’s not going to happen. this world is broken, you feel it now more than ever.
you go home and you realize how frivolous so much stuff is. you realize it’s SOULS that matter-people and their stories and their hearts. and you lay down your judgmental + critical spirit at the foot of your King + ask him for a heart that truly loves. You go home and you realize that this breath might be your last-so you should make it count, live it fully, and use it to LOVE. you realize you want to live for OTHERS because that is what will complete your joy and bring Him glory. you realize you’ll never forget this-and you shouldn’t.
because this will drive you to your King-to Rest in HIs Shadow, to sit at His feet and learn of His goodness + grace and the hope eternal we have in Him alone. when you’re a mess of emotions and its late into the night, you know one thing: keep holding on, you were made for a better place.
it’s ok to be broken, it’s ok to cry, and it’s ok to hurt. because in all of our pain his glory and grace come rushing in. his mercy compels us to deeper love and His arms wrap close around us. turn your eyes upon Jesus, look full in His wonderful face-and the things of earth will grow strongly dim, in the light of His glory and grace.