control

con·trol
kənˈtrōl/Submit
noun 1.the power to influence or direct people’s behavior or the course of events.

verb
1.determine the behavior or supervise the running of.

Raise your hand if you’d prefer to supervise the running of your life?

For so long my knuckles were white wrapped around anything they could find. Anything I could find that would give me some sense of control. Control over where my life was headed or what opinions were formed of me in the back of someone’s head.

Where did we ever buy the lie that life is best when it’s left in our hands, when we can control it? When it’s tame and small and within our grasp? We like life our size. God laughs and says, “why? life is meant to be God-sized.”

Why have we settled for mediocre dreams that can be controlled and let ourselves believe that it is foolish and unrealistic to do something with our lives that might not be covered under an insurance policy? Something that might involve a risk. Something that might involve a rejection.

In our minds what is held in our hands is safe. We have to realize that the only full life is one that isn’t held by ourselves. The only full life and dream and heart is one that is in His hands, and it is anything but safe. That means things are way out of our control. That means life is so much crazier than what we can come up with. That means that a lot of our stereotypes and expectations have to be shattered.

Take one thing from this: the most dangerous place your life and dreams could be is in your own hands.

His life for us is so much bigger than the lives we have planned for ourselves. Fuller, deeper, more abundant, and riskier. It’s frightening and peaceful and chaotic and confusing and beautiful.

We’ve settled for less in thinking we have to live contained and controlled. We’ve cheated ourselves by holding on to what should be in His hands. And until it’s all back where it belongs, we’ll keep running in circles.

No amount of control is ever going to fill a heart that keeps wanting more. Because control and safety and certainty is not the answer. The answer is you do not know, and that’s the point. The answer is that the very essence of life’s beauty is its mystery. The answer is, that it is way out of your control.

And that is the best possible situation you could be in. Completely surrendered. Completely “not” in control. Completely given over to the God of all the Universe who is writing a story for you that is anything but ordinary and contained.

That doesn’t mean that you won’t do ordinary things. It just means He has called you to do that ordinary, mundane, scheduled stuff in an extraordinary way. It means that you will never find His unexplainable joy in safety and in sameness. He will break your walls down. He will ruin your version of comfort. He will set you on fire with a longing to be anywhere but in the driver’s seat. He is going to use you, I know it. But you have to realize that the greatest gift He will ever give you, is to make you realize that you control nothing. Sometimes that’s painful. Sometimes it hurts way harder than you think it should. But it is always worth it.

No, you are not in control. And for the record, that is the best place to be.

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