I have such a tendency to hold onto everything so tightly.
I find something or someone and I am fixated. I become too consumed with building my life around that one thing. I hold on so tight because I place my worth, purpose, and security in it. It can’t be taken from me because what would my life be without it? Where would I find my identity?
It is either that or the complete opposite. I run from situations, people, or things because I am afraid that I am not in control. I’m afraid something might not turn out the way I want. I’m afraid to be disappointed, or I’m afraid I’ll disappoint myself.
But at the heart of both those reactions I just want to shield myself from anything that might put me in a place of discomfort, pain, or uncertainty.
Lately my perspective is shifting.
I’ve found that without even noticing, my hands are more open than ever before.
You cannot have the promise if you are not willing to risk the pain.
I don’t know if it is simply because I have tried so hard so many times to control situations and have only been left feeling completely depleted and miles away from the person I was made to be. Or if I am finally awakening to the fact that ultimately holding my own life–or trying to–gets heavy. Trying to figure everything out wears you out.
I think I noticed that opened hands beat clenched fists when I realized that every time I think it will be the end of my world if I let go of something, I am always proven wrong.
Life always goes on, and often times I find more inspiration and strength in disappointments than I do when things go according to my plan.
When we grip something so tightly, we might have a feeling for a moment of strength, self-sufficiency, and the illusion that something is within our control. In reality our clenched fists are just preventing us from receiving something so much greater.
They are clenched tightly around something good, but if we open them we can receive something great.
But there’s a catch.
In order to receive something great-our hands have to be open.
It is easy to close off your heart and it is easy to hold on so tightly. That is where most people stay. But security is not synonymous with fullness and beauty and feeling and life–risk is.
The bravest thing you can do is uncurl your fingers and open your hands – free – without expectation.
It goes without saying that the bravest thing is often the hardest. No one wants to relinquish control. But when you realize you’ve never really had it in the first place, it’s much easier to remember that trying to hold on to what you think you need will only deprive you of what He knows actually need.
Open your hands – let your heart relax. Some things might fall away, but what He has meant for you never will.