we’ve all been given a battle

 

we all just want to know we’re not the only ones who feel like professionals at being messy human beings.

XI.XVI.MMXVI. 2:25 pm.

Today in class I had to stand up and speak. I didn’t know it and it was unexpected. my hands were shaking, guys. They were shaking. I had no time to prepare for this. I felt like the whole world was watching me say my few words about two advertisements in front of 25 people. I felt like everyone could see my intense level of nervousness and fear and that the other person in my group who stood up there with me probably was like “what the heck” at my hands shaking as I held our little paper with observations. Plus my hair was probably messy and why in the world did I wear this sweater?

Processed with VSCO with b5 presetOk, dramatic right?

But that’s just what fear does.

In reality-in the big picture of life-it’s a silly little irrational fear. To my mind, though, it feels enormously big and consuming. It’s a fear I’m slowly learning to dance with. A fear I’m slowly learning to push through because I don’t think fearlessness is the absence of fear, but the courage to live in spite of the fear. It exists though, and it’s the battle I’ve been given to fight right now. I think it’s a little strange and yet a little beautiful that we’re all given battles to fight. It’s almost as if God says, “I just want them to know how weak they really are without Me.”

I don’t think our battles are anything to be ashamed of and I think our enemy is pretty happy when we convince ourselves we’re the only one in the world facing this battle.

It takes a lot out of me-this worry that I’m too much and yet not enough. This overthinking of everything I do. There are days when I am just physically tired from it. Sometimes it keeps me from what I really want to do, and in my heart I know that it always keeps me from living my life to the fullest.

I’ve gotten a few messages lately from people who have told me they wish their faith was as big as mine–as bold and as brave. But honestly? Girl, I hope it’s not. I hope it’s so much deeper. I hope you don’t struggle with the crippling fear of merely living life that traps my words in my throat sometimes. I hope you don’t get anxious about meeting new people and I hope you have a faith so free that any concerns about what people think of you just fall away. I hope you don’t think everyone’s eyes are on you in a crowd. I hope your hands don’t shake when you stand up in front of them. I hope you embrace your introverted awkward self and don’t hate it. I hope you are free.

My heart knows that one day I’m gonna have victory over this, because I believe my God wins. There have been baby steps. He’s slowly showing me that there’s a better way. But for now it’s a fight. I wish somehow I could fear the God that made me instead of the people He made. I’m working on that. I’m pressing into grace. I believe that one day, I’ll be able to stand in front of a crowd without a trace of fear, and that in my mind God will become greater and people small. I really do believe that. But today, it’s not that way. I have been given a battle. And in the messiest and most imperfect way, I’m facing the fear, and I finding courage to do life anyway.

So know that no matter how someone appears to you-they have been given a battle too.
No matter how many friends she has? She has a battle. No matter how many followers she’s attracted? She has a battle. No matter her relationship status and no matter her social life? She has a battle. No matter what her page online says? She has a battle. And if we’re being honest–real and raw–we can own the battles we have been given and fight together.

xo,
madyson grace

ps. own your battle below in the comments! I want to hear your heart. & I want to fight it with you.

 

 

a word to the broken

Dear broken heart; broken by the words someone said. Broken by someone’s opinion. Broken because someone who was close isn’t close anymore.

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Broken because that loved one who in your mind had 50 years left to live–

broken cause they’re gone.

Broken because turning on the news today can break you down like that.

Broken for the families who won’t see their brothers or sisters or sons or daughters again because they were in Orlando that day.

Broken because you were betrayed by a friend.

Broken because someone was chosen over you.

Broken because no matter how hard you try, you never measure up.

so. many. broken. people.

& we are broken for so many reasons.

But broken heart, you are welcomed here.

Hurting soul who has lost hope, you are welcomed here.

I don’t think it’s ok to pretend we’re ok and whole and strong when we aren’t. In fact, I think the most courageous thing we can do in a world of people trying hard to be “the strongest” is to own our brokenness and bring it to the Healer.

Because your broken heart might just be the means through which God brings about His purpose in the world.Processed with VSCO with a6 preset

I’ve struggled these past two years. There have been a lot of mornings I didn’t want to get out of bed. A lot of depression I’ve tried to fight off. A lot of brokenness I’ve tried to hide because I thought it would make me look weak. There have been a lot of days I’ve lived completely bound by insecurity and afraid that if people saw who I really was, they’d see that I wasn’t enough. I’ve felt like I shouldn’t share it because I’ve convinced myself that it’s really not that big of a deal, and that people are going through harder trials than mine.

I know there are hearts reading this who have been through a lot more than what I’ve been through–or will ever experience. But I am convinced that it is a bad idea to minimize our pain and tell ourselves we’re silly for feeling a certain way about something that is “so small.” I’m convinced it’s a bad idea to beat ourselves up for the way we feel instead of casting all of our emotions and feelings and pain at the feet of our King.

I also share this because God has brought me an incredible freedom in the past two months as He’s made my soul come alive to its purpose. To His purpose in me. You see, we can worry about how people perceive our brokenness and try to please everyone, or we can be raw and honest. God has called us to honesty, even when it’s not glamorous. Even when others see us as being too much to handle. He never sees us as too much to handle, and He always sees us as enough.

Please be honest with your brokenness. Don’t try to hide it. After all, you can’t hide it from the One who sees and knows all things.

Maybe you’re broken heart is what will one day heal another person’s brokenness.

We have to look beyond what we see today. How we feel today. What we think. We have to look to the hope of the beautiful things God does with broken people.

When you uncover your purpose, you can own your brokenness, because you are given eyes to see that your broken heart today is part of His story for your tomorrow. We can’t listen to the lies that tell us our brokenness defines us. We have to own it-and bring all of that cutting pain and deep weakness to our Savior. We have to trust, and to wait.

Because when we pour out our weakness at His feet it becomes a catalyst for the river of His strength to flow through us and consume all that we are in His love. Processed with VSCO with a9 preset

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& we can do this.

We can lay down our inadequacies, our depression, our pain, our weakness, our addictions, our sins, our struggles, our failures, our mistakes, and our regrets.

There is an abundance of room at the feet of Jesus for your mess. But there is an even greater abundance of grace to turn that mess into a miracle.

& after all, maybe we should praise Him for the fact that we are even broken–because when we experience brokenness, we know the beauty of being made whole by a Savior who holds this world. Let His love pour through you today.

Dear broken heart, entrust all that you are to your Savior. Only He can bind up your brokenness and make you whole.

& watch as He makes a beautiful story of your brokenness.

the four questions

our hearts are all searching. we’re all seeking something. whether it be fame, wealth, popularity, or the presence of Jesus Christ and eternal joy in Him. our hearts were so designed that we’re longing for something. this past week I had the opportunity to hear one of the humblest, clearest, men of God preach. my heart is yearning for more to know the glory of the hope of Jesus Christ and so I’ve come to share what made such an impact on me.

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the four questions

the questions that we all ask at some point during our lives. we may not ask them in this order–we may not even realize we’re asking them, but all of us will.

Who am I?
Why am I here?
What’s wrong with the world?
How can what is wrong be made right?

there are two worldviews. there are two ways to answer this question. there is a white, and there is a black. the culture//non-Christian worldview has their answers. and the Christian worldview has its answers.

and so the non-Christian worldview offers these answers::
Who am I? I am the result of random evolutionary processes. I’m an accident.
Why am I here? I am here to consume and enjoy.
What’s wrong? People are either insufficiently educated or insufficiently governed…or insufficiently medicated.
How is what is wrong made right? Violence: anger management class—or you need to be governed or medicated. We need more meds, more education, and stronger, more sufficient government. All of this will lead us to “utopia.” It doesn’t satisfy. You know it-I know it. The culture tells children we are here because of an accident. Educate better, medicate better, govern better. But things continue to get worse. It doesn’t satisfy and it doesn’t ring true. You’re still left searching for an answer.

If we’re all the result of random evolutionary processes the only right thing is to take what you want from those who have it. If we’re here to consume and enjoy—what else is left to do? What happens when you educate a violent person? You get a more sophisticated violent person. Who is gonna govern the governors? The culture’s answers are not ok. The world is not ok. Those who hear it—are not ok.

The Bible gives a different answer to those questions:

Who am I? The world says you are an evolutionary accident—and the Word of God says: I am the crown and glory of the Creation of God. The culture wants the results from our worldview while rejecting what accomplishes it. We are the crown and glory of the creation of God. Every soul has value and purpose and beauty and glorious worth. Because every soul is crafted by the one who breathed the stars into existence. 

He is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn of all creation. For by jim all things were created, in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or dominions or rulers or authorities–{Colossians 1:15-16a)

Why am I here? I was created to bring glory and honor to God my Creator. We live to the glory of God—and govern the things and ways we enjoy/consume things. The only way to get to conservation is through worship. The culture says we ought to worship the creation—we get there by worshiping the Creator who made us stewards over the creation. There is purpose and joy and hope here and now because of Christ. There is an eternal hope to which we are reaching. Oh, praise Jesus, this is glorious.

“all things were created through him and for him. And he is before all things, and in him all things hold together. And he is the head of the body, the church. He is the beginning, the firstborn from the dead, that in everything he might be preeminent. For in Him all the fullness of God was pleased to dwell” {Colossians 1:16b-19}

What’s wrong with the world? You. “Who once were alienated and hostile in mind and doing evil deeds” (Colossians 1:21). I don’t do what I was created to do. And instead of bringing glory to God I’m hostile to Him. In short, what’s wrong with the world is sin. Our culture doesn’t like this category. We attempt to preach the Gospel without preaching about sin. The culture looks out and sees the problems—“we need to get them into the right environment.” What is wrong? Sin. You can’t look outside of yourself to find the problem. It can’t be educated, governed, or medicated out of you. Your problem is sin. I am at the problem with the world.

How can what is wrong be made right? The Cross. Oh the glory and hope in that ever profound and awful deed. We have no hope unless someone can come from outside of this world and rescue us. God made Him who knew no sin to become sin for us. He is our only hope. Our only hope is that we are reconciled to God by the blood of Christ. Christ was born without sin and lived without sin—His active obedience—He is born perfectly righteous and in his active obedience he achieves perfect righteousness. If I am going to stand before God—alien righteousness has to be imputed to me. This is why all the Gospel matters, and the virgin birth matters. Because in all my wickedness Christ looked upon me and set his love on me. Not because of anything I have done–or ever will do. But because of the indelible riches of his grace.

and through him to reconcile to himself all things, whether on earth or in heaven, making peace by the blood of his cross. And you, who once were alienated and hostile in mind, doing evil deeds, he has now reconciled in his body of flesh by his death, in order to present you holy and blameless and above reproach before him. {Colossians 1:20-22}

This is our answer.

And it’s the only one that satisfies. There is not a greater answer we could come up with by philosophy. There is not a greater hope. The Word of God is inerrant, infallible, and it is sufficient to answer the questions of those who don’t even believe it.

“You can’t win, you can’t get even, and you can’t get out of the game.” That rings true without the Gospel. Without the Gospel, you have no hope. But God. to be short and true:

The only way you can have your best life now is if you’re going to hell when you die.

As believers, we’re not going to limp into heaven: He’s going to present us spotless, faultless, righteous. One day, we’ll get a bit of a glimpse into what this looks like. He will present you. One day, for those of us who are redeemed, Christ will look upon us—clothed in His righteousness—and He will say “Father, that’s your son.”

You can have utopia You can have your “best life now.” I’ll take glory. And I’ll enter there not by my own works-but by his work. Because there is nothing that this world is offering or proclaiming that comes close to that. Flee from trusting in yourself and flee to Christ. Live the rest of your life with the anxious anticipation that you will be presented before the Father by Jesus Christ–spotless, blameless, wholly His. Made worthy by his call.

love,

madyson

p.s. this post is based off of my notes taken from Pastor Voddie Baucham. be blessed by his ministry HERE